Grief Support:

Finding Peace, Comfort, and Strength through
Family, Friends, Church and Community

 

St. Mary’s Ministry of Consolation offers grief support in a number of ways to parishioners who have lost a loved one.  So that we may connect you with the support and resources you are seeking, please call Carol Thornton, Director of Pastoral Care at St. Mary’s at 354-4061 ext 121.  

Meanwhile, you will find a number of grief support groups, counselors, and resources in our local community, which are listed below:

The Centre for Living with Dying
1256 El Camino Real, Suite 208 408-553-6950
Santa Clara, CA 95030
www.billwilsoncenter.org/thecentre.shtml

Provides individual and small group grief support for adults, children,
and families experiencing the death of a loved one or a life-threatening
illness.

Hospice of the Valley
4850 Union Ave. 408-559-5600
San Jose, CA 95124
www.hospicevalley.org

Community Grief Center offers the opportunity to
talk about spousal loss, adult children grieving, children and teen grief
support groups.

The Compassionate Friends 877-969-0010
P.O. Box 111303
Campbell CA
www.compassionatefriends.org

The Compassionate Friends is a national, nonprofit, self-help support
organization whose volunteers assist families toward the positive
resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to
provide information to help others be supportive.

Pathways Grief Support Services 1.888.755.7855
585 North Mary Ave.
Sunnyvale, CA 94085
http://www.pathwayshealth.org/index.htm (click “Grief Support”)

Pathways offers a number of grief support services at different times
of the year. Call 888.755.7855 and ask to speak to the Bereavement
Services Coordinator.

Kara Grief Support and Education 650-321-5272
457 Kingsley Ave
Palo Alto, CA 94301
650-321-5272
www.kara-grief.org

Kara’s trained volunteers accompany others on their journey
through a life-threatening illness and/or bereavement. There is
no charge for Kara’s services. Individual counseling and
support groups are available for spouse/partner loss,
parent/caregiver loss, child loss, and survivors of another’s
suicide. Call for more information.

Grief Support Group
Saint Lucy Parish 408-378-2464
Campbell CA 95008
Sr. Rosalie Pizzo, SND
This group meets intermittently on Tuesday evenings in the
Parish Activity Center from 7:00 – 8:30p.m.
If you would like to drop in at a session, please contact Sr. Rosalie at the number above.

New Horizons
Holy Family Parish
4848 Pearl Ave 408-226-0440
San Jose, CA 95136
Karen

New Horizons provides support for those who are in the early
stages of separation, whether through divorce or death of a
spouse. This group seeks to meet the spiritual, educational,
emotional and social needs of the separated, divorced or
widowed individual. Meets 1st & 3rd Sun./mo, 7:30pm.

Widows & Widowers Grief Recovery Program
Saint Simon Catholic Community 408-968-7556
Los Altos, CA 94024
Arlene Dean
This 10-week structured program provides a safe place to
share, understand and face loss, as well as guide individuals in
building a new life. Spring and Fall sessions.

The Twelve Freedoms of Grief

Alan D. Wolfelt, Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and faculty member at the University of Colorado Medical School's Department of Family Medicine, encourages the process of mourning as an essential part of healing.

Mourning involves the open expression of one’s thoughts and feelings about the person who died.  Following are “Twelve Freedoms of Grief” suggested by Dr. Wolfelt, which may help in the process of healing:

Freedom #1
You have the freedom to realize your grief is unique.
Others may grieve in different ways than you because your experience will be influenced by a variety of factors including:

• The relationship you had with the person who died;
• The circumstances of the death, whether it was expected or unexpected;
• Your support system
• Your cultural and religious background.

 

It is important not to compare yourself with others who are grieving, and to consider the “one-day-at-a-time” approach to allow yourself to proceed at your own pace.

Freedom #2
You have the freedom to talk about your grief.
By expressing grief openly, healing occurs and you are likely to feel better.  Ignoring it will not make your grief go away.  It is important to seek out caring friends and relatives, or find a grief support group with people who will listen without judging.

Freedom #3
You have the freedom to expect to feel a multitude of emotions.
Your head, heart, and spirit will be affected when you are experiencing loss.  As a result, you may experience feelings of confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, relief, or other emotions. Sometimes they may come simultaneously or follow each other within a short period of time.  It is important to know that these emotions are normal responses to the death of a loved one, even though you may be feeling overwhelmed at the time.

Freedom #4
You have the freedom to allow for numbness.
Part of the grief experience when a loved one dies includes feeling numb and disoriented. It allows your emotions to catch up with what you know intellectually and allows you to be insulated from the reality of the death until you can tolerate what you don’t want to believe.

Freedom #5
You have the freedom to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
You may feel very tired as a result of your feelings of loss and sadness.  Your low energy level may impair your ability to think clearly and to make decisions.  It is important to nurture yourself by getting daily rest, eating balanced meals, and lowering your expectations of yourself.

Freedom #6
You have the freedom to experience grief attacks or memory embraces.
You may experience surges of grief or flashbacks (“memory embraces”), which can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed. These feelings are normal.  Try to find someone who understands how you’re feeling and is willing to listen.

Freedom #7
You have the freedom to develop a support system.
Although reaching out to others and accepting their help may be difficult, finding people who will provide the understanding you need and who will let you be yourself may be the best action you can take on your own behalf.  Sometimes a grief support group facilitated by a professional, or a personal counselor, will offer you a safe place to express your feelings and find support.

Freedom #8
You have the freedom to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual serves the dual purpose of acknowledging the death of a loved one and allowing you to express grief.  It also provides you with the support of caring people who are also grieving.

Freedom #9
You have the freedom to embrace your spirituality.
Express your faith in ways that seem appropriate to you.  Try to have people around you who support your religious beliefs.  You may feel hurt and abandoned and may feel angry at God because of the death of someone you loved.  It is important to realize that this feeling is a normal part of grief. Try to find someone who won’t be judgmental about your feelings and who will allow you to explore your thoughts and feelings.

Freedom #10
You have the freedom to allow for a search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she died?” or “Why now?”  This search for meaning is often another normal part of the healing process.  Some questions have answers. Some do not.  Actually, healing occurs in the opportunity to pose the questions, not necessarily in answering them.  Find a supportive friend or counselor who will listen responsively as you search for meaning.

Freedom #11
You have the freedom to cherish memories
Treasure your memories of your loved one who has died.  Share them with your family and friends. Recognize that your memories may make you laugh or cry. In either case, they are a lasting part of the relationship that you had with a very special person in your life.

Freedom #12
You have the freedom to move through your grief and heal.
The capacity to love requires the necessity to grieve when someone you loved dies.  You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief.  Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming.  Embrace your grief and heal.  Reconciling grief will not happen quickly.  Remember grief is a process, not an event.  Be patient and tolerant with yourself. Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.  It’s not that you will never be happy again.  It’s simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.

“To love is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart
will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.”  -C.S. Lewis